The Verdict Of Us All: Which Author Will You Never Read?

Welcome, dear reader, to a very special post. Recently some of my fellow bloggers (and me) have been starting up a series of joint posts under the umbrella title “The Verdict Of Us All”. So far, we’ve discussed “The Author You Wish Had Written One More Book” and “The One Book You Wish A Favourite Author Hadn’t Written”. As I’m approaching my millennial post (this is number 999), I asked to host the gathering this time round.

The topic this time was: “Which Author That You Still Haven’t And Probably Won’t Get Round To Trying”.

 

Brad at Ah Sweet Mystery was first to nick one of my answers:

“As a lifetime fan of the Golden Age mystery, I think I have the list of “must read” authors down by heart. And so, through the years, I’ve tried – really tried, mind you – to read Dorothy L. Sayers. I must admit I cheated quite a bit. I checked out Murder Must Advertise and walked around with it on display until the book was overdue, yet I barely covered a chapter. I stayed at a friend’s house and found a battered copy of Five Red Herrings. Couldn’t get through a page. I barely made it through watching the TV adaptation of Gaudy Night, but when I did, I tried – really tried – to read the book and failed. And so, with head laid quite low, I must throw in the towel and concede that the allure of Sayers escapes me. I love and respect so many people who don’t think Lord Peter Wimsey is an insufferable prig or that the plots waver between overly frothy and frankly dull. So I know without doubt that Sayers is a fine mystery writer. She’s just never going to be my fine mystery writer, and more’s the pity for it.”

As the host/editor, I’m going to pitch in here and say that Sayers was a potential answer for me too, although I’m probably disqualified as I have read and reviewed Whose Body? I’ve often said that I’ll go back to her at some point, but it never even comes close to being a priority. No real reason why, I just think it would be hard work…

Moira from Clothes In Books was next to go:

“Ed McBain. It’s a slight cheat, because I did dip into one once, and I have read other books by the same author under different names, but I very much doubt that I ever will again. There are many people who love him, people whose views, favourites and recommendations I respect and take seriously. Several book bloggers I know are working their way through his entire oeuvre. I kept thinking I really should try him, those 87^th Precinct books must be good, I too should work my way through them. But about a year ago, I thought ‘no. I am never going to read them. I am never going to willingly pick up one of those books’ – and the feeling of relief was tremendous. Now I can enjoy others’ comments and reviews, without feeling guilty.

And I think I’m right – because I will buy a book at the drop of a hat, I have many many books by known and unknown authors piled up. Often I can’t remember why I bought a book: but it’s probably because I saw a review or reference that sounded interesting. And all those McBain books – more than 50 about the 87^th precinct – and all the blogposts and descriptions I’ve read, I have never once thought ‘oh yeah, that sounds great, I’ll get that one and try it’, never gone over to Amazon and clicked. So I think they are not right for me.”

Don’t tell Sergio, but I’m in the same boat. Although in part, this is because I’d want to read the entire series in order and they’re not all cheaply available as ebooks. I’ve read two of them, Cop Hater and Lady Killer, and they were perfectly good enough reads, but for whatever reason, I’ve not gone back. If you want to know more about this series, though, do check out Sergio’s dedicated 87^th Precinct Page.

So that’s two of my possible answers down. What are the chances that John of Pretty Sinister  Books would take another one? Pretty good, as it happens…

“I have a pet comment that I tend to fall back when visiting the vintage mystery blogs. It also crops up every now and then on my own posts. It goes something like this, “Oh yes!  I know that writer. I have about umpteen of his/her books. Still haven’t read any of them.” And then I either tag on, “I’ll try to get to one of them in the coming months.” Rarely do I ever add this phrase “And judging by your review I may never try one of them now.”

Such is the fate of Margery Allingham.  I read reviews of her books on the blogs, I intend to read her, but — for one reason or another — I never do. I’ve not seen any of the Campion TV adaptations either that I recall.  No matter how often I say I’ll finally tackle FLOWERS FOR THE JUDGE (her impossible crime mystery) or CORONER’S PIDGIN (reviewed so favorably by Rich Westwood last year) I never get around to reading Allingham. Additionally, the more I read about her life the more I want to read about it. Yet I still haven’t cracked open the pages of her biography, INK IN HER BLOOD by Richard Martin, that I picked up at a book sale for pennies years ago.  So a shelf full of her books, both paperback and 1st editions (about seven or eight), as well as her biography all remain untouched.

Who knows if I’ll ever get around to them? It’s just a case of finding other writers much more interesting and my obsession with tracking down and writing about forgotten American mystery writers that will probably doom poor ol’ Margery to the neglected areas of my bookshelves for several more years. She is one of the few writers I only collect, but have never read.”

I’ve read a couple of Allinghams and while I didn’t like Traitor’s Purse at all, Death Of A Ghost was okay. As with McBain, my review ends the notion that I’ll be back to the author soon but it never happened. No idea why and no intention to return soon…

Luckily, I’ve still got one good idea left in my head – as long as Kate from Cross Examining Crime (and chairperson of our little jury) doesn’t pinch it…

“Being someone who usually tries an author at least once, I did initially struggle to pick an author I haven’t and probably won’t get round to. Eventually one name did come to mind and red mist coincidentally also descended… that name is Raymond Chandler. I have no doubt that he contributed a lot to the hardboiled detective fiction genre but nevertheless he is an author I really can’t see myself ever reading.

Firstly, I really don’t enjoy hardboiled detective fiction, the violence and the stereotypical masculinity endorsed in them and the often derogatory portrayal of women doesn’t appeal and probably blinds me to any literary merit hiding in such works. There is also the issue of my literary grudge against Chandler for frequently misrepresenting Golden Age detective fiction. His myopic views on this genre have lived on for decades now and it is tiresome to see them repeated without further thought. Chandler’s hypocrisy also gets my got, as criticisms he levels at GAD fiction, (particularly his one about plausibility), often crop up in hardboiled detective fiction – their heroes get pummelled, beaten, whacked, shot and goodness knows what else, yet magically seem to keep going regardless of the fact that in reality if a person received the injuries they did, they’d be in hospital for weeks. So yes I can’t really see Chandler making his way to my TBR pile any time soon.”

Dagnabbit, Kate! My sole experience of Chandler is watching The Maltese Falcon, which bored me rigid, so this was my safe answer. I suppose picking Hammett after this one is cheating a bit. [UPDATE: I know, The Maltese Falcon is Hammett, not Chandler. I get the message…] Tell you what, while I have a think, let’s see what JJ over at The Invisible Event thinks.

The best picture I could find of Marcel Lanteaume

“If I’m completely honest, I don’t think there is an author I would be dissuaded from trying on reputation alone.  I like to think everyone deserves at least one chance.  My bibliohistory is littered with authors I’ll never pick up again and books I’ll happily derogate until the cows come home, get bored, go out again, and then return for a second time, but at least I gave them a go to begin with.  Sure, there’s untold Paranormal Romance that I have no interest in reading, but within my genre I’ll try anything once.  So therefore the author I’m never going to read will have to be someone I’m not going to get the chance to read, either through being out of print or otherwise unavailable.  So, I give you Marcel Lanteaume: French author of several impossible crime novels that sound awesome but are unlikely to ever see the light of day in either affordable or English editions.  And unless they’re availble in English, my schoolboy French won’t make reading these books anything like as much fun as reading should be.  And if it’s not fun, what’s the point?”

Well, it’s fair to say that I wouldn’t have thought of that one…

So, what’s my answer to the question? There are a number of authors who I’ve tried and don’t intend to return to. Similarly that are classic authors (Marsh, Peters) who I don’t get on with but still keep coming back to. As JJ said, there are out-of-genre authors… But an author that I’m never going to try? Well, I’m tempted to pick  Alexander McCall Smith, author of The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. Because I read a chapter or three of that – primarily because of the word Detective in the title – and there was precious little detection in it. Combined with a deathly slow pace, it wasn’t for me. But I’m honestly not sure if most of his output even pretends to be crime fiction. So I’ll plump for G D H and Margaret Cole, due to their deathly dull contribution to The Floating Admiral. Probably the highest profile writers to contribute a dull chapter, if you see what I mean, and given that all of my Golden Age budget is heading in the direction of a certain Mr Rhode, I doubt any Cole books will be arriving anytime soon. Probably…

Well, that just leaves me to thank the contributors, Brad, John, Kate, Moira and JJ and to remind any competitively minded individuals to be back here on Saturday 29^th October at 1700 BST for my 1000^th post, which includes not one, not three, but two competitions, where at least one prize was not found for a quid in a charity shop! It should take a while to get the answer this time, but the sooner you can start, the better…

And in the meantime, why not have your say? Which author are you never going to try?